"Taxes are unbearable" stormed Alexis Tsiparis, rising star of the We Don't Need You And We Don't Have To Listen (La La La) party. The British Labour party - pioneers of such policies as selling gold for peanuts, and taxing pension surpluses to stop the cheating electorate benefitting too much from their hard-earned wages - have waded into the fray.
Chuka Umunna, another Member of Parliament that nobody has ever heard of, attempted to show that Labour MPs can both subtle and high cultured, just like their Eton-educated peers and rivals in the Tory party. Proclaiming Lagarde to be "no oracle", Umunna's attempt to link classic Greek society with current events was undermined by the fact that Lagarde's comments are so patently obvious that it would take only a moderately precocious 8 year old to suggest them in the first place.
Subsequently, Lagarde has updated her status to acknowledge the situation of the Greek people. They will be compelled to choose their next leader from a wide range of foot-stampers, fantasists and rattle tossers (but are still not the only thing that keeps her awake at night).
In Athens, last minute changes to the constitution have been enacted. Should the popularity contest prove inconclusive once again, a decisive game of musical chairs can be played to elect a new leading man. Octogenarian president, Karolos Papoulias, is now overseeing final rehearsals before a reprise of the election pantomime on 17 June.
